Beloved Destiny Read online

  Carina did as she was told, afraid that he might be further enraged if she didn't obey him. She decided that at this juncture it would be best if she said nothing. He still wasn't certain of what had happened between her and William. She didn't want to give him further information to fuel his rage.

  "Now I will tell you exactly what is going to happen to you. As of now, you will not be allowed to set foot out of this house unless with me or my mother. The surrey will be locked away, since you will have no further use for it. I am tempted to sell Pomme to punish you for your transgressions against me, but may allow him to remain on the premises if you promise not to ride him unless I am with you. Under no circumstances will you go to Natchez for any business whatsoever. If I find that you have disobeyed these directives, I will sell your colt, and lock you away in a room from which you will never escape. Do I make myself clear?"

  Against her will, tears formed and slid down Carina's cheeks. She was trembling, with a mixture of fear, anger, and grief. Not to see William again was impossible! She couldn't bear it. But she knew that she did not have the power to disobey her husband. She never doubted that he would make good on his promises.

  "Oh, spare me your tears," sneered Joshua. "I am letting you off much lighter than you deserve. I could beat you, or for that matter I could kill you for your sins. But I don't want my dear mother to have to hear of any of this unpleasantness. I spare you for her sake and expect you to carry on as if nothing has changed. You will act as if you don't care to leave the house by yourself anymore. Do you understand everything that I have said?"

  Carina stood still and looked directly at him. Even though she was afraid of him, she didn't care if he saw the loathing in her eyes. "Yes, Joshua, I quite understand you."

  "Good. Go away. I don't want to even think of this unpleasantness again." He sat down at his desk and pulled out his ledger.

  Carina turned and walked through the door, shutting it behind her. She went to her own room and sat in a chair looking out the French doors leading to the balcony. For a long time, she felt the disquiet of anger and fear, but her strong spirit wouldn't betray her for too long. He could keep her body locked up, but her mind would be kept busy with plans to escape this prison to which she had been sentenced. She knew that she was resourceful. She would simply bide her time. She would play the dutiful wife until he let his guard down. Somehow she must get a message to William. She didn't want him to worry, thinking something might have happened to her. Carina knew that Alice, one of the kitchen girls, was taken into town about once every two weeks to pick up a few sundries that weren't made on the plantation. Alice liked her and Carina thought she could bribe her to take a note to William for her.

  The next morning, Carina went to the kitchen where Alice was rolling out a pie crust. By chance, Alice was the only person in the kitchen. Carina offered Alice fifty cents to take the note to William. Alice agreed at once, thinking such a sum of money would be worth her trouble. Carina swore her to secrecy, handing her the note. In it, Carina told of her imprisonment, but asked that he be patient while she thought of some way out of the situation. She certainly didn't want William trying to intervene in her behalf, and possibly end up fighting a duel with Joshua.

  The next afternoon, Carina went into the kitchen again. This time there were two other girls working there, but Alice motioned for Carina to come close to her and pulled a small piece of paper out of her pocket, pressing it into Carina's hand without anyone noticing. Carina stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes, laughing and chatting with the girls, then as quickly as she could, ran up the stairs to her room. She opened the note from William, relishing the sight of his perfect handwriting. To her relief, he stated his undying love for her, but said he would try to be patient for her sake for awhile. He could, he said, spend eternity waiting for her if that is how long it took. He added that he sincerely hoped it wouldn't be that long. The trace of levity in his note, even in the face of disappointment, made Carina's spirits soar. He wouldn't give her up, but he would wait a reasonable time until she could come to him again.

  During the next weeks Carina saw little of Joshua; a fact which pleased her immensely. The only time they were together was at breakfast and dinner. They both pretended that everything between them was fine, keeping their conversation neutral and civil. Carina knew that they could play-act enough to fool the Prewitts into believing that all was well. Carina didn't want to cause Mother Prewitt any heartbreak; she loved her mother-in-law almost as if she were her own mother. She was determined that the older woman would never know what went on in private between her and Joshua.

  The Prewitts, Joshua and Carina had been invited to a number of gala parties during the holiday season. Carina enjoyed the opportunity to be out of the house and in social gatherings. Once or twice she had even seen William, although from a distance. They barely even glanced at each other, hoping to allay any suspicion on Joshua's part. She longed for his arms to be around her, his golden hair reflecting the light of candles. He was dashingly handsome in his black waistcoat and gray trousers. She couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy on the rare occasion when she saw him dance with another woman, even though she knew that he belonged to her body and soul. Joshua taunted her cruelly whenever they returned home after these occasions, asking her if she had seen her lover dancing with some other woman.

  "How does it make you feel my dear, to see your old flame enjoying himself so much with the ladies? I am sure he has long since given up on you. In fact, I had dinner with him at the club last Wednesday. He was rather quiet and did not even ask about you. I am sure that pains you very much. He got what he wanted from you, I suppose. Now he has gone on to greener pastures." He always looked at her to see whether his barbs were hitting their mark or not, so she tried to remain impassive to forbid him that pleasure.

  Carina stayed busy with her needlework, continuing to make layettes for the babies of Natchez. This work gave her much pleasure, as she sat sewing and imagining that these tiny garments were for her own child. Mother Prewitt was glad that Carina was staying home more now; she had worried a lot about her daughter-in-law, afraid that she might be accosted by some thugs while out in her surrey. Mother Prewitt knew that Carina was a very independent, spirited young woman, but she felt concerned all the same. She was much happier with Joshua's wife safe at home. One bonus she received from Carina's constant presence was relief from some of her own burdens. More and more, household duties were tiring her, forcing her to rest several times a day in her room. Her ankles were swelling if she stood on her feet for a long time. She even noticed a shortness of breath when she rushed or walked up the stairs. Carina's help was a welcome respite from her sole responsibility for management of the household.

  January and February passed slowly. Those two dreary months, even in southern climes, were usually dull and gray. For the farmers, those months provided time to make sure all was in readiness for planting after the soil warmed. The servants spent this time fixing broken items and mending harness, grain sacks and other necessities. It was quieter now than at any other time of year. For Carina, though, that meant too much time to think about her situation. She was no closer to a solution to her problems now than she had been a month ago. At times, she determined to just saddle Pomme, ride to Natchez and beg William to take her away somewhere. She felt selfish entertaining that thought, since the law office and his law career were important to William's only chance for financial success. She could never ask him to leave all that behind. She would just have to think of a better solution.

  Confrontation

  ne gray day in mid-February, Carina happened into the kitchen to observe the progress toward dinner when Alice came to her and unobtrusively dropped a piece of paper into the pocket of her morning dress. Carina continued to watch the preparations, speaking with some of the girls until she could leave the kitchen. She ran up to her room to read the note in private.

  Beloved Carina,

  I know I promised to be p
atient, but I must see you or die. I have bribed Alice, and she will act as our sentry. Tonight after supper, steal out the back kitchen door. I will ride up from the back of the fields.

  Yours forever, William

  Carina's spirit soared and her heart pounded with excitement. It had been so long since he had held her in his arms. Sometimes that seemed to be in another lifetime. It would take all the willpower she had not to beg him to take her away. The rest of the day flowed as slowly as cold molasses. The sun seemed to stand still in the sky as she waited impatiently for supper to be done and darkness to fall.

  At dinner Carina was quiet as Joshua and Mr. Prewitt carried most of the conversation. She was not concentrating on anything that was said and she was startled when Joshua turned to her, saying "What do you think of it, my dear?" She had no idea what had been said.

  "I am sorry, Joshua, I fear my attention was on my plate and not on the conversation. How rude of me. For some reason I have been famished lately." That was not a lie; her appetite had been ravenous this week. Although she had a very petite figure she would get fat if she kept this up, she chided herself.

  "Father was just saying that he thought it would be very pleasant for him and mother to take a trip abroad. I could certainly take care of the business while they are gone and you are fully capable of running the household efficiently. What do you think of the idea of my parents taking a trip?"

  "Well certainly, Joshua, I'm sure Mother and Father Prewitt don't need my permission to take a trip. I think after all the hard work they have done it is time for them to enjoy the fruits of their labors." Carina was sincere in wanting the Prewitt's well, but she was not at all sure she liked the idea of being in the house alone with Joshua while they were gone. He had to be respectful and polite to her while they were here, or face his mother's wrath.

  And so it was decided that the elder Prewitts would leave for the Continent at the end of April. Mrs. Prewitt seemed pleased by the idea, although she looked tired and drawn. Carina would have to try to encourage her to rest more often.

  Finally the early evening hours passed. The servants had eaten; dishes had been washed and put away. The only one left in the kitchen was Alice, who was pretending to dry the same dish over and over. Carina came in and with gestures let Alice know that she was going out the kitchen door. Alice nodded and Carina knew she could trust her. She walked out the door straight into William's waiting arms. He crushed her so that she could barely breathe but she didn't mind at all. Her mouth pressed to his as if she could taste his soul. Carina didn't care if she never moved from this spot, but it was finally William who drew back slightly to look in her face.

  "Oh my beloved Carina, I have been in hell these months not seeing you. And now that I have seen you, it will be an even greater hell to leave you. What are we going to do? Do you think you or I could convince Joshua to divorce you?"

  Carina shook her head. "No, I think he would kill me first and I don't know what he might do to you. He has to fool everyone into thinking that we are happily married in order to pursue his other interests. I am a foil for him to use to throw off suspicion. Divorce is out of the question for him. He will not allow any scandal or gossip to touch him Tell me, have you had dinner with him anymore? What does he talk about?"

  "No, we haven't even spoken since the one night at the club and he certainly didn't mention you. I don't feel that our friendship is as strong now as it was before I was captured. You are almost certainly right in thinking that he will never voluntarily release you. I am surprised that he didn't call me out when he suspected that you were visiting me in my office. Of course, that would have caused talk, which he wants to avoid at all costs. Carina, I am at my wit's end. I think we shall have to run away together." William started to put his arms around her again.

  "No, we can't, William, you can't give up your law practice." Carina would have said more, but she was already succumbing to his arms holding her, his mouth over hers. The lovers stayed together for another five minutes, feasting on each other's kisses. Finally, it was time for Carina to go in. The longer she was outside, the greater the chance that Joshua would miss her and come looking for her. "I have to go." She took his hand, kissing his palm, and then laid her cheek against it. "Somehow, we will be together soon. I promise you. I will find a way." She turned with regret and opened the kitchen door.

  By the end of February, Carina knew that something was happening inside her body. Her monthly courses had not come for almost two months. Her breasts were beginning to swell and were exquisitely tender to the touch. Her waist was slightly larger than it used to be, although thankfully the Empire fashions were still being worn. These gowns, which were fitted under the bosom, were ideal for her purposes. As long as her gowns did not have fitted waists she could hide things for awhile. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening, but she had listened while some of the young married women giggled and spoke of the early days of their pregnancies. Carina decided that there could be no harm in asking Mother Prewitt her opinion of Carina's condition. She would be ecstatic that Carina might be pregnant, thinking the child to be Joshua's. And when Joshua found out, maybe he would finally divorce her. What choice would he have? Surely his ego would not allow him to remain with her when she carried another man's child? She almost wished that she could tell him right now, but she wished to wait until the pregnancy was further along. Too many of the young women she knew had lost their babes in early pregnancy as the result of some awful shock. She had been around the older women in their sewing circles enough to hear the whispered news of such losses. She would never take a chance on losing this precious child she carried under her bosom. She often found herself putting her hands protectively on the spot where she envisioned the babe might be lying.

  Carina and Mother Prewitt were in the drawing room working on quilt pieces on a rainy day, when the wind howled down the chimney and all of nature seemed to be in a fury. Carina decided to broach the question. "Mother Prewitt, I have been feeling slightly unwell this past month. I am a little puzzled as to what condition this might be." She went on to disclose her symptoms, noting that as she did a radiant smile came to her mother-in-law's lips.

  "Why, Carina, darling, you are with child! How wonderful! Does Joshua know yet? He is going to be such a wonderful father. I know he will be delighted. And just wait until Father Prewitt hears this news! He will be so proud and happy. We must tell them right away." Mother Prewitt could hardly contain her excitement. "Let's see, I have to reckon the time when the little one will be born. If I am right, he will be here in the first weeks of August. Well, that means that Lemuel and I can't possibly go away now."

  "Of course you can, Mother Prewitt. If you leave in April, you will return in time for the birth. And as excited as Father Prewitt may be at the prospect of a grandson, I doubt he will want to give up the trip he has been dreaming of for so long."

  "You may be right, darling girl. We will see after we tell the men this wonderful news." "Would you mind if we waited just a little, Mother Prewitt? I am superstitious about these first months of pregnancy. Sometimes things go wrong, although God forbid they should. I certainly don't want to disappoint Joshua. Maybe one more month will make me feel a little more confident." Carina wanted to prolong for as long as possible the interval before Joshua found out she was pregnant. She didn't know what his response would be.

  For the next two weeks, Carina was in a state of bliss, so delighted was she to be carrying William's child. She enjoyed a calmness that she had never known before. Whatever happened, this could not be taken from her. Not even Joshua could do anything about the fact that that she was pregnant. As her belly swelled in tiny increments, she was overjoyed at the visible signal of the love between William and herself. She longed to shout it from the rooftops. If only she could tell everyone; especially Mama and Papa. Then she wished she could tell all the people at home she loved: Mary, Jared, Pebo and the others. She was wild with joy and anxious to share it. Soon, she thought
to herself, soon everyone will know.

  Carina continued to sew tiny gowns, jackets and blankets, but now she was sewing them for her own baby's layette. As she finished each one, she folded it neatly and placed it in a small trunk she had brought with her from Camellia Hill. The pile of little garments grew higher and higher. She flew through routine household duties buoyed by thoughts of cradling the tiny babe in her arms. She wanted to get word to William, but she was afraid he might rush right over and fight with Joshua, so for the time being she kept her own counsel. In good time she would send a message to him via the faithful Alice.

  In mid-March several of Carina's gowns were becoming too tight and Delia began letting them out. Delia looked at her mistress with a gleam in her eye as she saw the little bulge in her belly.

  "Why miz Carina, looks like you in a family way. Ain't you awful happy? Gonna have a sweet little baby to cuddle and hold. I bet he be a boy, with purty red hair just like you. An' he be tall and handsome like Mister Joshua. Why he be the purtiest baby in Natchez, maybe all of Mississippi."

  Carina was happy to be able to share her happy secret with Delia, even though Delia was mistaken about the babe's sire.

  By the end of March Carina had decided to send a note to William telling him about her pregnancy. She planned again to bribe Alice to deliver the note. Alice would wait for his reply and carry it back to Carina. But Joshua called her hand before she could carry out her plans. He came into her bedroom one afternoon to inquire about a charge he had received for some wood she had ordered from the planning mill. She took care of everything that was strictly involved in the household management, but he was puzzled about this purchase. When he walked in the room, Carina was standing in front of the French doors in her room. Dressed in a cotton morning gown, her figure could be easily seen through the flimsy fabric. Joshua stopped short and stared at her, unable to speak. Carina was talking to him about her plans to have the carpenter make a new table, when she noticed him staring.